Last week a friend forwarded a review of her recent article in the Statesman. It was a scathing review and took her completely by surprise. I commiserated with her, having been in the same situation with music critics. When an unflattering review of my concert appeared in the paper, with the critic sparing no words, I had cringed with shame. The accompanying photo only added insult to injury. That’s when I remembered my aunt’s sage advice, “Any criticism, however unwelcome, is better than no feedback at all!”

What is the worst that could happen in such a scenario? My friends and family would recall the offending review for a day, at best a week and then move on. But I still hadn‘t. I had also conveniently forgotten the good reviews that had appeared in the same press. In my naiveté, I’d assumed that the world revolved around me. Luckily it didn’t.

No one likes to be criticized. Why do we find it difficult to accept criticism? In my opinion, how criticism is delivered makes all the difference. A soft tone of voice, a pleasant expression, and relaxed body language while communicating, is the key. It’s non-trivial especially when we’re frothing at the mouth and have worked ourselves up to face our unsuspecting quarry. Like a well-made sandwich, criticism has to be layered. Start with a compliment, then go for the jugular with your constructive criticism and finish with another compliment. When criticism is warranted, don’t hesitate. It takes grace to accept criticism, and courage to dole it out. Winston Churchill’s quote comes to mind. “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same functions as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”

"They are freshly washed!” I become conscious of the hovering waiter. I 'm seated at a newly opened “fine-dining” restaurant in the neighbourhood. The waiter must have seen me staring at the glasses on my table. After he takes my order and leaves, I begin to wonder if the food is being prepared in a clean kitchen? When was the last time these plates had been washed in hot water? The poor waiter had no idea that I had actually been admiring the fluted design of the glasses! In his over-zealous attempt to please, he had inadvertently led me to ponder on the restaurant's hygiene.

I have barely begun to eat, when my cell phone rings. I see it's my friend. “I didn't make it!” he says in a voice filled with disappointment. He had failed to clear the admission test for the college of his choice. “The worst thing is the principal told me that I missed the cutoff by only a few marks!” Even as I sympathize with him, I fume at the principal's insensitivity for giving my friend the complete details of his failure. How relevant was it to mention that he'd missed by just a few marks?

There are times when I wish people refrain from full disclosure. Holding back is hard, as there's a little voice inside all of us that says "Keep going, tell all!" It's one of those peculiar traits we seem to have – an enthusiasm to blurt it ALL out. Rarely do we stop to think if the other person truly needs the gory details. The line demarcating a succinct synopsis from needless Bollywood narration is unclear to most.

The best way I have found to not cross the line is to keep the lovely Spanish proverb in mind - "If you keep your mouth shut, the flies won't get in!"